TYPHUS: like this is probably a little overkill if you ask me. TERA: I mean…
TYPHUS: like usually usually it’s just a little high-five like “oh good game, good game” TYPHUS: But no, man, these cannibals… TERA: Like, eviscerated them and stuffed them full of tennis balls like that’s TERA: Like that’s some dedication. TYPHUS: look at this guy’s foot! they broke it TYPHUS: and then fit it into the fucking racket TERA: EUWWWW TYPHUS: Damn, dude. TYPHUS: you know what this means right?
TERA: What? TYPHUS: we are gonna fuck their asses at the next tennis match. TERA: Yeah we do have those rackets now don’t we TYPHUS: hell yeah we do! and we know they do because we keep finding them in their
caves! TYPHUS: we probably stole their rackets though.
TERA: yeah TYPHUS: which means they can’t play,
which means… TERA: we win by default! TYPHUS: fuck yeah TERA: I don’t know the sportsballs TYPHUS: yeah for real. TYPHUS: I I think I was like… TYPHUS: 23 when I learned what a line of scrimmage was. TERA: I’m vaguely aware of what that is?
it’s like the football with the line and the thing TYPHUS: it’s an ima.. yeah it’s an
imaginary line that only those who truly believe in it can see it. TYPHUS: you know who General Custer is? TERA: yes TYPHUS: you know how he got killed and they found him naked? TERA: I did not know that. TYPHUS: yeah he tried killing a bunch of Indians and apparently they overwhelmed him and TYPHUS: it was like all those Union generals were killed and he was found naked TYPHUS: because they you know they killed him, they stripped him and
then they killed him
TERA: mmmhmm TYPHUS: and everyone’s like no no they killed him first and then they stripped him and I’m like “Uh uh. That’s not how Indians do it, alright?” “we take we take your clothes off, and then we take our clothes off and
then we kill you. TERA: Good to know. TYPHUS: Mmhmm TYPHUS: God, that’s got to be a really crazy sight. TERA: Well you know…the cannibals have already pretty much taken their clothes off. TYPHUS: yeah! see, they are Indians! holy shit TYPHUS: going down this dark spooky cave… TERA: I almost hit you from behind just to… TERA: fuck with you, but I decided not to. TYPHUS: please don’t do that you’re gonna scare me. TERA: see I decided not to! TYPHUS: yeah well what happens next time when you decide to do it? TERA: You’ll know it was me then. TYPHUS: well no shit I’m gonna know it’s you, it’s only us down here! TERA: yeah we definitely haven’t-
oh hey look TYPHUS: whoa TERA: she’s not dead she is sleeping. TERA: that’s creepy TYPHUS: The fuck does that even mean? TYPHUS: Fucking Navajos, “oh we fucking… we fucking… we’re code talkers” TYPHUS: yeah all you guys do is bitch and moan about your land getting taking away and all of a sudden now you’re taking pride for the white
man’s war TERA: ouch TYPHUS: I have a video of Duchess– baby Duchess just fucking rolling around and doing these cool spins in the water TERA: Awwwwww TYPHUS: She used to do that when she was a baby but then she got older TYPHUS: I walked outside and she was just like smelling the ground like nose in the water, just walking, and I’m like “are you checking for landmines out here?” TERA: Aww! TYPHUS: it’s so funny. I was like that’s a good dog. TYPHUS: making sure we don’t get blown up in our own backyard TERA: yes TYPHUS: She’s so funny, when you say
something to her, TYPHUS: her whole body just screams, you know? like wiggling and wagging her tail.. just goes right back to checking for landmines. TYPHUS: it’s just, like, I know cannibalism is like “oh it’s so taboo” or whatever but it’s the
ultimate recycling. TERA: Yeah and in a survival situation I don’t think I would have that many qualms about it if somebody’s already dead you know? TYPHUS: yeah like if I was like Tera I’m gonna jump off this cliff and I need you to go down there and eat me TYPHUS: and then you’re like “I don’t know about that Typhus”
I’m like “Tera, Tera, please” TYPHUS: And you’re like “they..they…” TYPHUS: “We can literally see the plane right now.” And I was like “Tera I need you to fucking eat me” TYPHUS: then it would be weird! TERA: Yeah. TERA: Come here, bitch. TERA: I’m watching you.
TYPHUS: Yeah, bitch! TERA: Don’t you run from me, bitch! TYPHUS: Tera, don’t be mean to him, jeez. TYPHUS: we’re in his house TYPHUS: if there was a witch in this forest I would be so mad. TERA: You already asked me if I was a witch. TYPHUS: well are you?? you never gave me an answer. TERA: No, I didn’t, did I? TYPHUS: Tera.
TERA: What? TYPHUS: are you the final boss of this game? TERA: I mean…
[Spoiler alert: yes] TYPHUS: are you that fucking mutant that spawns 5% each day? TERA: no cuz I would have done it already TYPHUS: that is true. TYPHUS: what is a witch anyway if
not a saboteur? TYPHUS: yeah she’s just sabotaging people’s crops and “oh my grandfather died and he was only 80” TYPHUS: It’s like “it’s a witch!” ROBO: Oh my god. Oh my god.
TYPHUS: Robo you’ve been here for two seconds! ROBO: I didn’t know it was there! I’m down! TYPHUS: Nooooo! TERA: Did you set yourself on fire? ROBO: Yeah, I did!
TERA: I just see your body burning. TERA: well I decided to join you apparently TERA: Oh my god, you’re down? ROBO: Yeah! ROBO: Cuz I lost all my health from the coaster. TERA: Yeah okay you need to
like put some armor on, girl. ROBO: Probably. TERA: I’m gonna try to build a fence around it TERA: You should be safe now. TYPHUS: full-on friendship! ROBO: I can’t…just accidentally… TYPHUS: oh you just wait, man. You just wait. Robo is like the Houdini of catching herself on fire. TERA: oh! fuck! that one nearly hit me! TERA: Oh fuck, hello cannibal. TERA: he’s confused by the logs! TYPHUS: I’m starting to think he’s the new Ed Gein. ROBO: What the fuck?? ROBO: How did he acquire so many heads? TERA: These are all people he’s killed ROBO: I almost lit myself on fire, but luckily.. ROBO: The fire wasn’t on fire yet. OH SHIT ROBO: Oh fuck. Okay it wasn’t finished. Fuck. ROBO: Not finished. TYPHUS: Robo… ROBO: Deck isn’t finished. What? Okay, it looks completely finished! TERA: It does
TYPHUS: It actually does. Wow.