JAVA: As it is right now, I’m a lazy man JAVA: So I’m going to refer to LMGs from now on as lazy man guns. JAVA: I just want to get the stuffed toy! TERA: We should name that thing. JAVA: Ricardo. JAVA: Alright Ricardo. It’s the last one buddy. It’s the final job. You can finally go to Tahiti after this TERA: *laughs* Tahiti? JAVA: Big payout. Yeah, just have some faith JAVA: He has a plan. We just need money. TERA: So we need to find centrifuges to put the blood in. JAVA: Holy fuck! I’ve been looking for that word for months now. TERA: Centerfuge?
JAVA: Yeah. JAVA: It’s the thing that does the spinny?
TERA: Yes, it is. JAVA: …the vials. What is it?! I don’t fucking know!! JAVA: It was always at the tip of my tongue, in the back of my mind. I couldn’t fucking remember what it is But now I can’t remember what I was thinking about the word for. And I think that’s gonna bother me even more. JAVA: What was I trying to compare it to? It’s oddly specific, you know. I’m not even like a medical student! Why the fuck do I need to know about a centrifuge? JAVA: Just… generally we don’t… JAVA: Take as much advantage over the fact that eyes are very fragile as we should in like a combat situation, you know. TERA: To be fair all of our enemies are pretty much wearing like full helmets. JAVA: No no I mean like, as a species.
TERA: [Indistinct] JAVA: AAAHHHHH I can’t get to the panel! JAVA: Aw, just let me jump over it! Fuck.
Got it. JAVA: Imagine going through a sea of cops just to press the fucking elevator button. TERA: Oh and sometimes cloakers drop down JAVA: Ah well they can fucking fight me. I’m ready. JAVA: I’m ready to throw hands! TERA: I can tell. JAVA: I’m not afraid of a stripper. They can come at me all they want. TERA: You’re in a very silly position.
JAVA: This is the most suspenseful elevator ride I’ve ever had JAVA: Ohhhh, what the fuck is going on? TERA: Murkywater is bombing us JAVA: Yikes! JAVA: And we survive this?! TERA: No, we die. TERA: This is the end of the Payday gang.
JAVA: Really? TERA: Nah, we live.
JAVA: Hah, JK, we’re actually really fucking weird then. JAVA: Wow. Okay. JAVA: Jesus cocaine crisis prep. Do we not have a crowbar? TERA: Do you not? Wait, no. There’s one. JAVA: Oh, thank fuck.
TERA: That would have been so stupid JAVA: I was like, how are we supposed to know? JAVA: I just remembered…the fucking description for the martial arts perk or whatever it is JAVA: “Because training” TERA: That’s a good one. That’s a good one. JAVA: How are we able to pull off the White House heist? BECAUSE TRAINING. TERA: Yeah, we’re like 30% faster than flat-screen players. TYPHUS: Huh, you know now that you say that, TYPHUS: I have noticed sometimes players run faster. TYPHUS: *whispering* I think I may have actually kicked somebody because of that too GANDURO & TERA: *laughing* TYPHUS: Like, “how did you get here so fast?!” and then they didn’t respond and I kicked them. Like, oh shit. TERA: If you typed the response they probably didn’t even see it. TYPHUS: Yeah, exactly. “Well, we just got kicked for no reason” TYPHUS: Have you gone to the threads and like read people’s stories about why they got kicked in this game? TERA: Uh, yeah, sometimes.
TYPHUS: It is the funniest shit, I swear. TYPHUS: One guy said that he asked and like–the host asked “Hey what heist do you want to do?” TYPHUS: And he goes like “I don’t care” and then he said TYPHUS: “Well I guess you don’t care about this game then!” and then banned him. TERA & GANDURO: *cackling* TERA: Like, what an asshole.
TYPHUS: I know! TYPHUS: Do you have any funny stories about why you’ve been banned? TERA: Typically, it’s immediately after someone asks if I’m in VR or after I talk GANDURO: Oof. TYPHUS: I was laughing when you were saying you don’t want to go to.. TYPHUS: *clears throat* You don’t want to go to XXV infamy TERA: Nah, I get more value out of being 24 because like if you’re gonna cheat why would you set it to 24? TYPHUS: That’s just what they want you to think
TERA: Heh. TYPHUS: I often think that, like, wouldn’t a fucking cheater make himself like a level 13 or something. TERA: No, they’re not that subtle TYPHUS: There were crazy people down the road one time. On like Christmas morning, it was like seven gunshots went off TERA & GANDURO: *laughing* TYPHUS: Yeah, it was like Christmas! TYPHUS: Pow pow pow pow pow pow! like down the road, like what the fuck?? TYPHUS: Like, that woke me up. TERA: That’s crazy. Did they get some guns for Christmas, I’m guessing? TYPHUS: I don’t know! They’re crazy! TYPHUS: They probably already had it, they probably got ammunition for Christmas and they use at all GANDURO: *sigh* Americans.
TYPHUS: For real.
TERA: Americans, yeah. GANDURO: Such a big machine that we leave behind. TERA: Yeah. Well, in the blimp escape, we bring the machine back with us. GANDURO: Then again, I’m amazed that we can escape in a blimp. TERA: Blimps are so slow! GANDURO: What the…what?!